I am looking for distractions. Yes, all my problems here are not getting solved. I don’t have any relief from this pain. So, I have started looking for distractions. From past three days, I text people at night and try to lighten my mood by talking to them something off tract, without letting them have the slightest clue of what is happening to me. But then my best friend said me, that these distractions will become addictions and today, I feel it too. That I am looking for someone to talk to again. But for how long?

So I have decided, irrespective of the bar this pain can touch I need to face it alone. Only then will this negativity convert into something. This anger will help we become active and start working and this distractions which is needed will be my work and not a person.

I miss you! I miss you life! I need all of the strength of this world. Someone needs to tell me that life isn’t as bad as I take it. People go through so much everyday. How can I complain for things that are not such a big deal. Why can’t I be a positive and happy person when God is by my side. I am only hurting myself. I am reading a book ‘I Will Survive’ by Sunil Robert. Such a positive approach he had all through it. If what written in it is possible, if such a situation of crisis at home can change into happy days, why am I losing my faith? I have God’s grace on me. But you know what, sometimes nothing good matters but only one thing which your heart desires. The failure of everything will pull you down but the success of only that one thing has all of the might to bring you up. I am such a person who looks at the darker side more often than the lighter one. The biggest problem is, although I know my flaws I am unable to improve myself. Day and again these nights give me pain and tears fall from my eyes. Haven’t it been too long? I am waiting for the day to come when what I write takes a right turn and from then only positivity flows through everything you read.


An attempt, again

I don’t know if its going to help me or not neither do I know that will this effort turn into a long streak as I wish, I can’t be assured that this will work as a healing way for me but I just want to do this.

Write, Write and write till the time these words bleed and cry and empty the ocean of sadness that is inside me.

I will not give a thought to what I write, just keep on typing as fast as I can, without reading what has been written in the last paragraph or the last article. I don’t know where this will lead or will it all make sense to you or to me. I am just trying to start it again, my writing habit. Maybe I can find the happy me and try to keep others happy.

It doesn’t have to be long and complicated. Neither it will be short and simple. It is all undecided. It is life, It can turnout in the most unexpected way and so my writing may have no direction. But it doesn’t matters to me anymore. I have reached a point where I need to save myself without caring what the means is. So. I choose writing. To build myself again. To keep myself from shattering any further. Some days I will stop writing abruptly or maybe I write fiction with some defined ending or maybe something technical. I can’t promise anything to you , as the God doesn’t promise me anything.

Thank you for the world you gave. Give me faith.